Friday May 29, 2009
From The Onion
America's Finest News Source
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Investigators: Increasingly Likely That James Harrison Bit Own Son
FRANKLIN PARK, PA—Police detectives investigating an alleged dog-bite injury to James Harrison III, the son of Pittsburgh Steeler James Harrison, said that recent evidence suggests the linebacker became agitated by the toddler's crying last Wednesday and bit the child himself.
"After carefully piecing together testimony from people at the scene, we believe witnesses were trying to protect Mr. Harrison, who after all is a creature of instinct and may not be responsible for his actions," Officer Mark Bendiger told reporters. "If that turns out to be the case, the legal liability will actually rest with Harrison's handlers. Linebackers can be an aggressive breed, and we've seen plenty of examples of how poorly trained and badly socialized James is in particular." James III is almost completely recovered and has been released from Children's Hospital of Pittsburgh, while his father has been quarantined at Animal, Linebacker, and Wide Receiver Control of McKees Rocks, PA.
** We love a good Fake, Onion story when Pittsburgh is involved and hey I was born in McKees Rocks, PA - cool
